ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize