Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
