I only kidnapped one of them. chill
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
