U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
