i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
