sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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