god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize