u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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