Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize