Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
