I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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