Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
