how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
