Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
