My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
