It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
