I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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