she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
