I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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