meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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