I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
