My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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