maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize