I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
