you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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