His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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