his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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