just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
