Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Betty ford says i'm here all night
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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