White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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