i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
