he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
