dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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