I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
