let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
