Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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