I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
