I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
