Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
