Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
