I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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