The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
