Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
