Umm I'm too high to move.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
