so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
