is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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