New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
