you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
