based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize