This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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