U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We left the knife in your bed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
