Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Shame - the story of my life.
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