so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That accounts for only three of the penises
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
