i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
