No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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