i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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