Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
