help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
