thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
