I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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