Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
