maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
