I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
