A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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